From Overwhelm to Aliveness: Building Capacity and Presence with Dr. Mark Matthews

What if overwhelm wasn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong — but a signal that you’re ready to grow?

In a powerful and vulnerable episode of The Amanda Kaufman Show, Amanda sits down with longtime friend, coach, and newly minted PhD Dr. Mark Matthews to unpack what it really takes to thrive in life and business — especially when the stakes are high and the schedule is packed. From building a business during a PhD program to embracing pain as a sign of growth, this conversation is a blueprint for living and leading with presence, purpose, and emotional resilience.

The Myth of Detachment — And the Power of Presence

One of the most striking insights from this episode is Mark’s take on detachment. So often in high-performance and personal development spaces, we hear “detach from the outcome.” But what if detachment is the very thing that’s pulling us away from fulfillment?

“I don’t want detachment,” Mark says. “I want engagement. I want aliveness.”

He shared a personal reflection about the most important gift he could give his future spouse — not more success, not more knowledge — but his full, present self. In an age of endless distractions and hustle, presence is the rarest currency. And as Amanda noted, it’s often the key to true joy, fulfillment, and connection.

Overwhelm Isn’t the Problem — It’s the Pattern

As a coach who built his business while pursuing a PhD, Mark knows firsthand what it means to push against the limits of what feels possible. But what helped him succeed wasn’t just time management — it was a shift in perspective.

“We say we’re overwhelmed,” Mark explains, “but really, we’re mismanaging our mind.”

Overwhelm, he argues, is rarely about too many tasks. It’s about how we relate to what’s in front of us. By reframing those moments as signals of capacity expansion — rather than breakdown — we get to move from reactive to intentional. Amanda echoed this with her own experience of launching her business during maternity leave with her fourth child. The shared message? Capacity isn’t fixed. It’s a muscle we build.

Pain as a Pathway to Power

Another standout moment was Mark’s reframe on pain — not as something to avoid, but something to learn from.

“Pain is a beautiful experience,” he said. “It means your senses are still open.”

This isn’t about glorifying suffering, but about shifting how we experience discomfort. Pain, Mark explains, is part of the process when we pursue something that matters. Whether physical or emotional, it’s an invitation to feel — and to grow. Rather than shutting it down, we can ask: What is this pain showing me? What’s the point it’s pointing to?

This is a theme that resonated deeply throughout the episode: when we move toward what matters, we’re going to feel more. That includes discomfort, vulnerability, and sometimes disappointment — but those are signs we’re alive, not broken.

Integration Over Compartmentalization

One of the most practical shifts shared in this episode is around how we structure our lives. Too often, people try to compartmentalize — business here, family there, self-care squeezed in somewhere else.

But that model isn’t sustainable, Mark argues. Instead, he encourages integration. In his own life, that meant bringing what he was learning in academia into his coaching practice, and allowing his business journey to fuel his personal growth. Rather than seeing one part of life as a distraction from another, he invites us to see how everything can be connected — and leveraged in service of our bigger mission.

Amanda echoed this with a beautiful metaphor from parenting: you may think diapers are the priority… until you taste a jar of baby food and realize that’s the thing you care about. Flexibility and recalibration, she shared, are key to sustainable clarity.

Why Success Without Fulfillment Isn’t the Goal

At one point in the episode, Amanda reflected on how many high achievers are still deeply unfulfilled. Mark agreed — and pointed out that it’s often because they’re operating purely from their heads. Logic and planning are valuable, but without emotional alignment and passion, success can feel empty.

“Fulfillment comes from being all-in,” he said. “From caring. From showing up present — even when it’s hard.”

They discussed how regulation — not detachment — is the real superpower. Learning to ride the waves of emotion, rather than shutting them down, allows us to stay aligned and connected as we grow. It also gives us the range to lead and serve from a deeply human place — something both Amanda and Mark model beautifully in this conversation.

What’s Next for Dr. Mark Matthews

As he continues growing his impact, Mark shared his next big dream: to speak on stage at one of Brendon Burchard’s live events. Not just to deliver a keynote, but to create a transformative experience that lifts people into their own power.

“I want people to walk away not just inspired by me,” he said, “but elevated by the experience.”

His commitment to service, authenticity, and high performance — in the truest sense — makes that dream not just possible, but inevitable.

Final Thoughts: Presence, Power, and the Point

This episode is a masterclass in what it means to pursue a meaningful life — not just one that looks good on paper. Whether you’re building a business, navigating personal growth, or just trying to keep your head above water, Amanda and Dr. Mark offer a powerful invitation:

Don’t run from the pain.
Don’t fear the overwhelm.
And don’t buy into the myth that you have to choose between success and presence.

Instead, expand your capacity, lean into the discomfort, and keep doing what matters — with heart, with clarity, and with your full self at the table.

🎧 Listen to the full episode of The Amanda Kaufman Show wherever you get your podcasts, or watch on YouTube.
📲 Want more from Dr. Mark? Connect with him on Instagram @FaceMyFear.

Chapters List

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction

03:12 Balancing Business and Academia

06:07 The Importance of Capacity

08:58 Integration vs. Compartmentalization

11:46 Future Goals and Speaking Engagements

14:41 Growth Through Overwhelm

17:25 The Power of Attachment and Presence

20:38 Embracing Disappointment and Frustration

23:20 Finding Meaning in Pain

26:25 Conclusion and Connection

Full Transcript

Dr. Mark Matthews (00:00)

Pain is a beautiful, beautiful experience. It's not something that we go towards, but when you go towards something that matters and pain is part of the journey, part of the process, that actually means you're sensitive enough to feel.

Amanda Kaufman (00:30)

hey, hey, welcome to the Amanda Kaufman show. We are broadcasting live to Facebook. And I didn't plan on that. But you know what? The universe is perfect. And if there's a guest that I would do this with, it's Dr. Mark Matthews. Hey, welcome to the show.

Dr. Mark Matthews (00:44)

What is going on, Amanda? It's great to be here with you and for anybody who's tuning in live or watching this somewhere, great to be here with you. We'd love to invite you in here for an amazing, best, I think it's 20 minutes of your entire life.

Amanda Kaufman (00:58)

Yeah, exactly. So best, think, 20 minutes. Amanda didn't check the settings because Amanda has amazing attention to detail sometimes. But I always like to say it's perfect. Here we are. So, Mark, just for those that don't know you, can you just take 30 seconds and introduce yourself to our lovely listeners?

Dr. Mark Matthews (01:16)

Yeah, absolutely. So I'm, I guess now Dr. Mark Matthews as of a couple of weeks. And you know, the most important thing to know about me is that I am on a mission to love and like every human being. I grew up through some really challenging stories and there's many ways I'd love to share that with you in a deeper session. But the most important thing to me is I believe in making humanity inspiring. I believe we have the ability to do that every single day with meaningful moments right here. And so.

The simplest thing about me is I'm curious about you. Anybody who's here, you included Amanda Kaufman, and I believe in humanity, and I'm grateful to be a part of it.

Amanda Kaufman (01:53)

I love that, I love that. So Mark and I are both certified high performance coaches through the High Performance Institute. And that's how we initially met. And then we got a chance to work together for a good while. I think we did over a year together as he was building his business. And one of the reasons why I really wanted to invite you back to the show and back to the conversation is because Mark is, first of all, he's...

He will never ever admit this, but he's insanely intelligent. And one of the things that he did that was really remarkable for and worth paying attention to if you're building a business of any kind, if you're thinking about having greater impact through what you do, he built his business while finishing a PhD. Right. And it's I hear all the reasons why we don't take action on our goals.

You know, I'm busy being one of them. I'm busy. You know, I've got, I've got family, I've got jobs, I've got all of this. And I remember in our time working together, it was so important to you to play full out for your business, but also to play full out for the multi-year journey of becoming a doctor in your, in your chosen field. And so I guess like, just to kick us off, Mark, like that can sound a little insane to somebody.

listening in that you would be building something while building something else that's also super cool and kind of staying in that state of activation. Did you ever get overwhelmed? Did it ever feel like maybe you were doing the wrong thing as you were building all these things? I'm just so curious if that ever came up for you.

Dr. Mark Matthews (03:32)

Yeah, all the time. And I just want to speak to that because I think I've never actually met a business owner who wasn't building their business in the context of life. Whether it's your PhD, whether it's your family, whether it's honestly a friendship or a relationship that's actually it requires a lot of time, but more importantly, energy to manage. And then when you're trying to build something new or you're trying to create something, it creates more energy that you need.

Amanda Kaufman (03:41)

That's it.

Dr. Mark Matthews (04:00)

And so absolutely I've had plenty of times where I would fall into the pattern of mismanaging my mind, which would create the overwhelm. But like you said, we came from the high performance Institute where we learn and actually the truth, which is that overwhelm is a mismanagement of our mind. There are the greats out here, Tony Robbins, Brendan Bouchard, Ed Milet, people that that's the people I personally love, but look at any great leader. And I noticed something I noticed that they were doing far more.

than their peers. So they had so many things they were managing. And I was like, how did they end up doing it? They went on a journey to develop that capacity. So I knew if I could develop the ability to build a business while in my PhD, I knew two things. One, all my professors were managing more than me. All my advisors were managing more than me, even while I was building the business. So one, I'm just building capacity. I'm scaling capacity. And two, if I built that freedom in the program,

Amanda Kaufman (04:39)

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (04:59)

As I graduated, I'd be able to build more freedom outside the program. And that gave me an unbelievable result. As I graduated, I didn't have to freak out and be like, I got to get a job. How am going to afford health insurance? How am I going to do all these things that were provided as my package for being in an institution? I now get to have freedom of choice. If I wanted an academic job, I could have it. If I want to do my business, I could have it. Because I was smart and prioritized building this capacity and hired people like you.

who helped me to be able to do that along the way.

Amanda Kaufman (05:32)

love this call out of capacity because I feel the same way. So I started my business. Gosh, I was on maternity leave in that year that I was pregnant and I caught a lot of, you crazy from people around me? Because, you know, this was kiddo number four and I had a good job. I had a good gig, you know, and to choose to pursue something.

Capacity is the word, my friend. Like the capacity to have patience, the capacity to prioritize, the capacity to deal with unknowns and uncertainty.

the capacity to understand that so many things can be true all at the same time. I think sometimes we're looking for this black and white answer of like, okay, well, I do step one and then I get result one, I do step two, I get result two, and that's not it. That's not it in life. And actually being a parent taught me that. I remember when I had my first kiddo.

I had it all planned out, right? Like all planned out. We were gonna do, we weren't gonna do disposable diapers. We were gonna do X, Y, and Z. That was like the first thing to disappear from my list by the way, because I realized actually one of the things that mattered more to me was the baby food. I remember giving Alden his first, I was about to feed him his first taste of banana. And I had like the standard, you know, the jar of food and.

I got a little on my finger and I just like licked it and I pucker it because it was sour. And I'm like, why is the banana sour? And I looked at it and it had citric acid as a preservative. And I'm thinking about a baby pallet and I'm like, no, know, food's really important to me. food, y'all. And I grabbed the banana that was sitting next to us. I mashed it with a fork and I fit him that.

And so many times we go to start something or do something or become something, we have this vision of what it's gonna be like, and then we actually encounter the reality, we get recalibrated and go, wait, it's a little more like that, and then your priorities can shift, your plan can shift. I heard Alex Hormosi describe it the other day as you set out this big long range plan and then the board changes, like as if it's a game.

And I'm just so curious, like when you decided like, I'm gonna do both, I'm gonna make it happen, what surprised you the most? What was that thing that shifted your perspective about what it was really gonna be like? And did it shift your goals over time?

Dr. Mark Matthews (08:04)

Yeah, so one of the most amazing things about making that choice was, first of all, I didn't build my business, I didn't build my business just for money. And everybody says that, but you know it's true when at the end of the day, if you have a reflection practice, if you don't, I'm not plugging any specific journal, but if you don't, when you do your reflection practice at the end of the day and you integrate your day.

If what is captivating you on the page is the impact or the conversation you got to have, and not just the amount of money that came in as you're making that come in, you know that you're properly attuned. Now both should feel amazing, but when you have those moments of, I would do this not just for free, I would do this for this experience alone. That's when it shifts. For me, building my business, what surprised me the most is that I learned that the goal isn't to compartmentalize.

That's what most people try to do. And I see this with my clients and it destroys them. They try to compartmentalize their professional life and their personal life. But the truth is, is it's all a part of them. It's actually about integration. And so I had to solve problems like how do I build my business and my academic career at the same time? How do I take what I'm learning in my academic career and use that in service in my business? And as a result, it integrated it, also differentiated me as a coach.

Amanda Kaufman (09:10)

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (09:24)

It gave me the ability in sessions to be a coach who's on this powerful journey. And so they were not just seeing a coach who could help them on their journey, but they're inspired to be a part of mine. And so one of the best things I learned, because my PhD is with the world's leading expert in persuasion, 500 publications in the top tier journals on how people change, I got to learn not only how do people change, but how they enjoy it. They enjoy it.

Amanda Kaufman (09:35)

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (09:50)

when their change is actually having an impact on the person in front of them. And so my greatest lesson as a coach is if you want to have a massive impact on your clients, create a powerful mission that they can have an impact on you as they grow.

Amanda Kaufman (10:04)

So good. I would say after having experienced being your coach, that that was one of the great joys of it. I call mind coaching co-created action coaching. And I felt like when we were working together, there was this really cool synergy that happened where I was able to coach you and mentor you in the direction of the things that you wanted to go. But I was always extracting something from the experience.

For me as a coach, I get the most joy about being able to coach people like you, who are looking, I call them smart patooties. The ones that keep kind of like looking at things from so many different angles, because I find that extremely rewarding in my own life, right? So that's my selfish drive as I'm doing it. But I think that what you're really.

calling out here too is the enjoyment and just knowing that it is having a positive impact on the person in front of you. Okay, so shifting gears a little bit, what's next? You recently graduated from your PhD program, huge congratulations by the way.

now what? Where are we headed? What are we working on and what are we doing?

Dr. Mark Matthews (11:15)

Yeah. So what's been beautiful is, is I've noticed that, and we learned this as coaches, once you get momentum with your service, it starts to pick up on its own. You start to find that all of a sudden it's the best. It's like, uh, the last probably five clients that I've met have all been people that I met and they were just in the momentum and then they're coming in and they want to work with me because they want what we offer, but also they want, they want to be in that energy that

Amanda Kaufman (11:26)

It's amazing.

Dr. Mark Matthews (11:44)

transformative energy and to have transformational relationship. so next for me, as I continue, you know, to continue to double down on the business, the next big thing for me is owning my place on the stage. I've had a couple of really powerful speaking engagements. And for me, I really am, you know, not everybody's like this. Some people are like a crisp clean keynote. They got a key point. They're going to take you through a story and then you're to get to the end and you're like, wow, that was a good story. It's going to feel really good. I am not like that. I'm like Tony Robbins.

Amanda Kaufman (11:46)

public.

Mmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (12:12)

I'm gonna get on the stage, we're gonna say it's an hour, but the last speaking engagement I was at was probably 35 students who were kind of just there because they had to be. And two and a half hours later from the hour speech, we are there and we're locked in and we're in this transformative relationship. And now those students are sitting there two and a half hours later on a random evening. And I'm like, we're done. They're like.

What do we do? They're sitting there mesmerized, ready for something more, ready for what they came to college for, ready to actually get into their life now. And they believe it's possible. And so my next, my big goal, and I'm telling everybody that is I really want to speak on Brendan Rashard's live stage. I really want the opportunity to get out there. He's a big mentor to me since 2014. He's someone who I really believe has role modeled the way for me and allowed me to be someone who loves what I do and to create

Amanda Kaufman (13:03)

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (13:06)

Create love for what we do in any place that I've been. And so that's my number one goal. I like to set an experiential goal. And so I'm on a path. if, Brendan, if you're watching this, like whatever stage you're on next, I'm here, I'm ready. the real goal for me is that I want to step on that stage. And as I get on that stage, I want to be the person that people are looking at.

But by the end of that experience, I want people to feel like they've been lifted up to the sky. And I want that experience of looking at them. I want the experience of lifting them above me from the stage and being able to see them in their absolute glory. And so that is my full on mission. And in the pursuit of that, I believe that's the result of helping people at phenomenal levels and role modeling this transformative energy every single day.

Amanda Kaufman (13:55)

I love it, I love it. And you know, like I was sharing about the, you know, my step into motherhood and realizing like, the goal is a healthy kid. The goal is a happy kid, you know, and all of that. And you know, I thought the diapers were gonna be the thing. It turned out that it was actually more making organic food for him and a million other things that we look at as a parent. I'm so curious, like, as you think about the steps.

that you're taking proactively? Maybe these are habits you're developing, you're working on cultivating every day. Maybe there's interim milestones of things that you're doing to be ready for that stage. What do you got? What are you working on?

Dr. Mark Matthews (14:35)

Yeah. So in terms of working on myself, the biggest thing it relates to that capacity question is every time that I feel, my gosh, this might be too much. I have trained myself to understand like, oh my God, this must be too much. No, no, no, no. Oh my God. It's time to grow. It's time to grow. And so this, the, I've watched this. You, I know you've seen this. You have clients who come to you.

Amanda Kaufman (14:41)

Right.

I love that. What a great reframe.

Dr. Mark Matthews (15:02)

And you're there just, I'm overwhelmed. There's too much. I've got this, I got this, I got this, I got this. And there you watch them the worst habit. Yeah. And I'm like, wow, they're doing it. But what they, what they miss and when they transform is when they realize all those things are true and they could, they could stack that list, never ending forever. It would be very easy to stack that list. Everything shifts when they start saying, and I'm going to start with this and I'm going to.

Amanda Kaufman (15:07)

It's the worst habit. It's the worst habit. ⁓

That's it.

Dr. Mark Matthews (15:30)

do this now. But the secret is, is that when you do that, it doesn't go, and I'm going to start with it. It's not cold. I think one of the most important things is that you can't, you can start to manage more by detachment. And actually this is something that I've really leaned into. People are kind of really talk about this detached from the outcome, detached from the things that you're working with, detached. No, I would disagree entirely. was like attach more care more.

Amanda Kaufman (15:45)

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (15:59)

Like, lean in to what it is and don't be afraid that leaning into it, the reason that's scary is because with attachment's vulnerability. With attachment is a lack of control and a necessity for surrender. When I'm attached to you and I care about you, if something happens to you, it happens to me.

Amanda Kaufman (16:09)

you

Dr. Mark Matthews (16:17)

And that is actually what we inspire to. That's love, that's fulfillment, that's the aliveness. And so if you're attached, you're gonna care more. Now the good news is you attach but you don't control. And that's mine.

Amanda Kaufman (16:30)

I was gonna say what's

coming up for me is acceptance, right? Because I've had similar training around, detached, detached outcome, detached, detached, attached. And I'm like, I feel like it's more like regulation. It's more like psychological discipline to be able to accept an outcome as it is right now and accept reality for what it is right now. But if you fully detach what I've found in my own personal practices is you become...

but I call untethered and I know that's the name of a very popular book and I think it's good to be open, but I feel like the answer is actually somewhere more in the middle, right? And it's more about this ability to be able to slide up and slide down from like this place of being untethered to this place of discipline and this ability to affect because I think one of the biggest things I've noticed in the world is that people don't realize just how

how much really is in their control to affect. it comes down to, I think a lot of clarity. We always start our high performance with clarity, know, of clarity of vision, but I think it's also clarity of action, clarity of repercussion, clarity of connection, clarity of, you know, and it's that consistent pursuit of it, but I think it's also, now that you have that clarity, so what, now what, right? So now you're clear, okay, now what?

And it's a little like I keep coming back to finding out there was citric acid in the banana and the baby food. Right. It's like, so what now? What I reach for another banana. I'm like, OK, I guess I'm making the food now. Right. And the ability and capacity to just like untether from it has to look like this, but also stay attached to what is the overall ambition. What is it that you're trying to do?

Dr. Mark Matthews (18:16)

love that. I did not know we would land here and I love this insight and discovery because think about it like this. I think about it like this. The most important thing that I can give to every person that I love in my life. The most important thing, the love of my life. I also, you know, I plan to be getting married sometime soon. I've already seen it. It's in the middle. It's in the works. And with the love of my life, the most important thing that I could ever do is offer her my presence. Full presence. But if I'm sitting there,

Amanda Kaufman (18:42)

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (18:45)

and I'm listening to her talk and then all of a sudden I'm detached and I'm Even's better than, you know, freaking out. Even's better than just being, oh, but if I'm just completely detached, now do you even care?

Amanda Kaufman (19:05)

you

Dr. Mark Matthews (19:06)

And then I miss out on one of the reasons people love people like Simon Sinek is Simon Sinek's like, I'll get in the mud with you. I'll be there with you. My favorite thing about that is I'll get in the mud and I'll throw it on your face a little bit. Not, not till you're ready, but you throw the mud on me. I'll throw the mud on you. We're here. It's like, that's the energy. I don't want detachment. I want engagement. I want aliveness. I don't want to be making love and then be like, I'm detaching now. No, I want in, in the moment and

Amanda Kaufman (19:26)

Mm-hmm. ⁓

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (19:34)

I want what you just said, acceptance. Sometimes you're going to feel that nervous system goes a little too high. And so while being present, you're actually going to bring it down. I want, like you said, regulation. I want emotional range. want the ability, resilience is about the range you can cultivate. And I think that's really the mission in today's society. So many people who are successful are unfulfilled, but they're unfulfilled because their success is coming from being so logical and in their head.

Amanda Kaufman (19:41)

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (20:03)

They're not actually passionate about what they're doing. And then anybody who's following them is never going to be inspired to do the same thing and role model them.

Amanda Kaufman (20:11)

And you you raise a really good point too about the mud because the risk, the risk of being fully present and fully connected is you're opening yourself up to the possibilities of frustration, disappointment, struggle, pain. You know, there is a vulnerability that comes with caring. And I think, you know, our society in general seems to be very fixated on this. And I even have a tattoo on my arm. Let it go.

but I have on the other side do what matters. And it's, I really think that it is this ability, like you said, that range to regulate along the range, or at least to be able to observe where you are in it. think like before you can start to regulate and before you can start to like make a new decision about your behavior or how you're going to respond to a situation, you first have to be able to see it for what it is.

You know, and I think a lot of times we're just, especially with the way we're, mean, I know we're broadcasting to social media. I get that. I know listener that you are listening to content and I hope that you're curating content like this, right? Because, you know, I think we can get really lost in consumption and, you know, get consumed by the consumption and like lose that capacity to, to regulate, you know, give it away, really give away the capacity to regulate.

is how I think about it.

Dr. Mark Matthews (21:33)

May I rapid fire and take four points? I would take your four points that you just made. I love what you said because you said when you start to attach, if I heard you right, you said you open yourself up to disappointment, Frustration, right? There were two others. What did you say? Disappointment, frustration, there was pain. What was the fourth one? Do you remember? Yeah, let's just take those. Here's what I love about that. That's exactly what I want.

Amanda Kaufman (21:36)

Sure, yeah, let's do it.

frustration. Yeah, just like struggle struggle pain.

Dr. Mark Matthews (22:00)

Disappointment meant there was a point, right? For disappointment to be there, there was a point, which means that we're actually moving towards something we want. We have a desire. You can't have disappointment without a desire. And without a desire, you're never gonna feel positive emotion. That's how it's created. So this is great. Disappointment is just a fact that you created a point. Good job. Frustration's an amazing experience. means you're break through. That's what it means. Frustration doesn't mean, this is bad. That's silly. That's...

Poor training, that's poor, whoever taught you that, poor conditioning.

Amanda Kaufman (22:30)

Yeah, getting into

like the finality or the what's that word that I love this word. It's such a fun one. Catastrophizing, right? It's like I remember when I very first started my business, I was like, and we're to wind up, you know, living under a bridge in Duluth in a box. And I don't know why we would move to Duluth first. But like, I just had this horrible vision of where we were going to land. Yeah.

Dr. Mark Matthews (22:50)

Yeah, and the

great news, I love that because this is what people do. They create the horrible vision, but that's the amazing thing. It's like, instead of creating a horrible vision, this is my challenge to you. Next time a horrible vision manifests in front of your eyes because it's just been patterned, right? And you haven't broken that pattern yet and you still have that. I don't have a lot of that anymore, but when it does happen, here's my thing for you. Take the vision, own it, step inside of it and say, how would I make this the most inspiring story I've ever seen?

How would I do it for the story? If you're in Duluth, if you wind up there, I've done it with prison. Yeah, do it for it all. It's like, that's it. I kid you not. If you rid yourself of the fear, the common fears that people have, I'm afraid I'm gonna get cancer and I'm gonna get really sick. If I had cancer, and now to anybody who's had this, I'm not purporting to know what it's like. But I will say this, anybody that I have ever seen with a terminal illness who brings purpose and a level of...

Amanda Kaufman (23:20)

do it for the plot.

Dr. Mark Matthews (23:44)

positivity and meaning to the experience, that they care about other people during the experience, that they open up and receive the love that other people give them, and then they bring hope into the experience, that they choose to either fight or flow through the experience with the belief in something stronger. They have an opportunity to impact at such an incredible level because of their struggle. And so I'm not saying I want that on anybody, but for me, I'm like, there's nothing that could happen to me. Read your man's search for meaning and see what it was like for Victor Frankl in a concentration camp.

Amanda Kaufman (24:04)

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (24:12)

Read the letters of Nelson Mandela being wrongfully imprisoned and how he chose to use that as the leverage to unite a nation. I mean, these aren't just stories. These are opportunities for us to do that in our real lives today. And I really believe that's actually the point. If your coaching is getting you to that place, that that's how you live, that's where transformation happens. And it's also where you break generational patterns that held back the ones you love.

Amanda Kaufman (24:39)

it.

⁓

Dr. Mark Matthews (24:40)

and a new pattern

emerges with so much more strength. So I love it. Bring on the disappointment, the frustration, and also that pain. Pain is a beautiful, beautiful experience. It's not something that we go towards, but when you go towards something that matters and pain is part of the journey, part of the process, that actually means you're sensitive enough to feel. Pain is quite literally an indication that your senses are open.

People who go through chronic pain, sometimes they desensitize and some people want that, you know? There's cases if you're a fighter, you're gonna kick somebody maybe, but in most cases, especially emotionally, you wanna be able to feel pain. You just don't wanna be afraid of it. You wanna know how to use that pain, to feel that sensitivity and then use that to figure out, okay, so what is the point so I can go forward again? And so I love that if you made no shift other than anything, but to invite those normal experiences of life.

Amanda Kaufman (25:10)

Mm-hmm.

Dr. Mark Matthews (25:34)

and see that they are part of the journey. As long as you have a point and a purpose, they're actually contextualized and they're a beautiful part of it that you can enjoy.

Amanda Kaufman (25:43)

I love this. Dr. Matthews, I know that we could do a four hour episode, but sadly we don't have that scheduled today. What is the best way for people to stay connected with you and learn more?

Dr. Mark Matthews (25:56)

I'd love if you connect me on anywhere meta, so Facebook or Instagram. I really like that because it's very easy. You can come right to me there. You can just look me up. It's at face my fear. I got that handle early when I was when I was a young and so at face my fear. You can connect with me on there and if you just get on there you can add me as a friend. You can send me a message, but if you send me a message at DM, I'd love to know like what inspired you from this or what you're inspired to do next. I'd really just love to know that I actually you know a lot of times it's common.

to ask for, you know, I'll give you a gift. And I have plenty of gifts that I could give you and things that I could help you with. And I'll give you those too. But what I love is actually, this is crazy. I'd love to receive a gift from you. I'd love to receive you sharing with me something that matters to you and believe that you just sharing that with your full heart, even if you're just typing, just sharing that. I want to be a better role model for my daughter. I want to build my business so that I have freedom.

that just typing that with a smile on your face and a desire in your eyes actually has a difference in and of itself.

Amanda Kaufman (26:59)

So good. I love this. And dear listener, if you love this, make sure you hit subscribe so you don't miss a future episode. And if you take 30 seconds and just pop over into that review section wherever you happen to be listening to this, we really appreciate it because every single one of those five star reviews helps us to get this smashing into people's ears in a really good way. And in fact, it's actually a lot easier than even that. The review has a long standing

impact, but you know, you could just grab the link to this and send it to your friend through DM or text. You know, maybe think of three people that you know that would really benefit from listening to this episode. Mark, thank you so much for joining us today.

Dr. Mark Matthews (27:42)

It's pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Amanda Kaufman (27:44)

And dear listener, thank you so much for listening today and we will see you on another episode and until then, do what matters.