Let me ask you something.

When was the last time you actually listened to your body? Not pushed through it. Not worked around it. Not told yourself you’d deal with it later. I mean really listened.

This came up in a recent conversation I had with Amy Dougherty, and it stayed with me long after we finished recording.

Amy works closely with women navigating perimenopause and menopause, and what she said was simple, but powerful. Your body is talking to you all day long. The real issue is that most women have stopped listening.

And honestly, that hit.

Because if you’re like most women, you’ve gotten very good at overriding what your body is trying to tell you.

Why Your Energy Feels Different Now

There is a real physiological component here that often gets dismissed.

Perimenopause and menopause shift how your body operates. Hormones fluctuate. Sleep can change. Focus can feel inconsistent. Energy becomes less predictable. These are not small adjustments, even if they’re often treated that way.

At the same time, your responsibilities are not decreasing.

Many women are still raising kids or supporting them through major life transitions. Careers are often at a peak or evolving into something new. Family responsibilities expand to include aging parents. On top of all that, there’s still a desire to stay connected socially and personally.

That combination creates pressure.

Instead of adjusting to what your body needs, the instinct is to maintain the same pace. Pushing harder feels like the only option.

Over time, that disconnect between what your body needs and what you demand from it becomes impossible to ignore.

What Happens When You Keep Ignoring the Signals

Your body communicates constantly. It doesn’t wait for a crisis to start speaking up.

Fatigue, irritability, brain fog, disrupted sleep, low motivation… those are all forms of communication. They are not random inconveniences.

The challenge is that many women have been trained to override those signals. Productivity gets prioritized. Being dependable becomes part of your identity. Slowing down starts to feel uncomfortable, even wrong.

That mindset works for a while, until it doesn’t.

Running on empty is not sustainable. There’s no version of long-term success that doesn’t include your health.

Ignoring the signals doesn’t make them go away. It just delays the moment when they demand your attention.

The Truth About “Not Having Time”

Time is the most common objection, and on the surface, it makes sense.

There are real demands. Schedules are full. People are counting on you. Stepping away can feel unrealistic.

The shift here is not about creating huge blocks of free time. It’s about changing how you relate to yourself within the time you already have.

Five or ten minutes can be enough to start.

That could look like stepping outside for fresh air, putting your phone down and sitting in silence, journaling a few thoughts, or simply pausing long enough to notice how you actually feel.

These moments are not insignificant. They rebuild awareness. They create space between reaction and intention.

Small changes, done consistently, have a bigger impact than occasional big efforts.

Why Self-Care Needs a New Definition

There’s a lot of resistance around the idea of self-care, and most of it comes from how it’s been framed.

It often sounds optional, indulgent, or disconnected from real life. That framing doesn’t hold up under pressure.

Taking care of yourself is not a luxury. It’s a requirement if you want to sustain anything meaningful.

When your energy is depleted, everything becomes harder. Decision-making slows down. Patience wears thin. Creativity drops. Relationships feel heavier. Work feels more draining.

Looking at it from that angle, self-care becomes practical, not indulgent.

It’s the foundation that allows everything else to function.

The Voice That Keeps You Pushing

There’s another factor that quietly reinforces all of this.

The inner voice that tells you to keep going, even when you’re exhausted.

That voice can sound convincing. It often shows up as pressure, urgency, or even guilt. It tells you that slowing down means falling behind or letting people down.

Over time, it starts to feel like the truth.

It isn’t.

That voice is learned. It’s shaped by years of expectations, experiences, and external influences. It’s not your core voice.

Learning to recognize the difference changes everything.

Your real voice does not demand that you run yourself into the ground. It supports growth, but it also supports sustainability.

Pausing long enough to notice which voice is speaking gives you a choice in how you respond.

Where Reclaiming Your Energy Actually Begins

There’s no need for a dramatic reset or a complete life overhaul.

Change starts with awareness.

Pay attention to what your body is already telling you. Notice patterns in your energy. Acknowledge when something feels off instead of brushing it aside.

From there, begin with small, consistent actions that support you.

That might mean protecting a few minutes in your day. It might mean questioning the belief that you always have to push through. It might mean allowing yourself to rest without attaching guilt to it.

Reclaiming your energy is not about doing less for the sake of it. It’s about doing what actually works long term.

When you reconnect with yourself, your capacity doesn’t shrink. It becomes more sustainable, more intentional, and more aligned with how you actually want to live.

If things have been feeling off lately, take this as a signal, not a failure.

Pause long enough to listen.

That’s where everything starts to shift.

Chapter List:

00:00 Why women feel exhausted and overlooked

01:58 The loneliness of perimenopause and menopause

05:09 Why this stage of life is so demanding

08:06 “I don’t have time” and the truth about slowing down

09:52 Why self-care is not selfish

11:50 How to manage your inner critic

14:51 Relearning how to listen to your body

15:23 Where to connect and next steps

Full Transcript:

Amy Dougherty (00:00)

So we're so busy in our own lives, we don't have time to slow down, to listen to what's going on.

And we think that if we slow down, that that's bad. And we just really need to listen to ourselves and understand that that's not a bad thing to slow down and listen.

Amanda Kaufman (00:38)

Well, hey, hey, welcome back to the Amanda Kaufman show. And today we are talking about your energy and vitality, especially if you are a woman of a certain age. I'm joined today by Amy Doherty and she is an expert in bringing your energy forth if you are a perimenopausal or menopausal woman, especially Amy, welcome to the show.

Amy Dougherty (01:01)

Thank you so much for having me, Amanda. I'm excited to be here today.

Amanda Kaufman (01:05)

Super excited to have you here. So, you know, we've talked to a lot of people over the past year or so in the show and we've talked about everything from, you know, how to get more leads, how to make more sales, how to navigate AI. And I'm really excited to have a little bit of a frank conversation around health today. So Amy, what is something that you wish more, especially female entrepreneurs,

kept in mind when it came to progressing through the stages of life and keeping up with everything we have to keep up with.

Amy Dougherty (01:37)

I wish they would understand that your body is giving so many signals every single day and if they listened to their body more, it really is just telling us what we need.

And we were not having the conversations five years ago that we're having now. I'm so glad that it's becoming more mainstream now. And when I went through it, I guess I was having conversations that I felt alone. I felt like I was going crazy. I felt like I was losing my mind. And I really had nobody to talk to. And I really just...

didn't know where to go, didn't know who to talk to. Doctors were just kind of rushing me on. And I never want another woman to go through that. I never want another woman to feel like I felt. And that is my sole mission in life, is to really lead those conversations, direct those conversations, and be the voice of a voice today.

whether it's the Gen X woman, the older millennial woman, I want to be there for them and just answer questions, lead the conversation and just help them navigate this phase. It's funny because I went to the doctor the other day, just my GP and...

Amanda Kaufman (02:52)

So how do you do that?

Amy Dougherty (03:02)

Somehow the conversation with the nurse, it came up in conversation and even the nurse was like, oh my gosh, like I need your card. have to your card. I'm like, nurse, you should know these things. And just in everyday conversation, wherever I go, went out to a lunch with a coworker and somehow we get to talking about food and things we should be eating. I'm like, a proper conversation. just listening.

to everyday conversations everywhere I go, it sparks something and then Coach Amy kicks in and just listening and picking up on conversations. And I joined a bunch of networking groups and have met all different women from all walks of life and really just, like I said, picking up on

little nuggets wherever I can and inserting myself in all different walks of life, all different groups, joining Facebook groups and just. Like I said, leading the conversations I had an in person event here in my in my hometown and just. Leading and bringing women to me and sparking those conversations and.

Education, really, it all comes down to education. like I said, letting them know, listen to your body and what it's telling you and what the different hormones do to your body, what it means, what happens. It all starts with education and then going into nutrition, exercise.

and mindset is kind of where I lead them then on that journey.

Amanda Kaufman (04:50)

Hmm. Yeah, that makes that makes so much sense And I love how you're you're creating community through this and hosting like the events and everything because you know, there's a Maybe it's a bit taboo of a subject to be talking about menopause and perimenopause I'm actually pretty excited that it seems to be like gaining steam, especially through social media ⁓ In the past few years, but you know

Amy Dougherty (05:12)

and absolutely.

Amanda Kaufman (05:15)

It is a big change and it is very, very significant. often women that are at this stage, they've got kids that are...

you know, moving off to college. So that's a really big transition. They probably are still working for several more years and they've got a lot of energy. They've probably got team that's depending on them. You know, it's a very energy intensive and demanding season. What do you think is the main reason that women don't already

Amy Dougherty (05:33)

Okay.

Amanda Kaufman (05:42)

listen to their own selves, their own bodies? What do you think gets in the way of just intuitively understanding that?

Amy Dougherty (05:50)

You I think you said it is that we have so much going on. We're still raising kids. We're part of that sandwich generation where we're raising kids were taking care of our parents. A lot of times we are very career driven, so we're still at that stage where we are moving on in our careers. What's what's the next goal? What's the next career move that I want?

So we're so busy in our own lives, we don't have time to slow down, to listen to what's going on. We are busy taking care of our spouse. We are moving into still wanting to have fun with our friends. And there's just so much that we wanna be part of social media.

doom scrolling. you know, Netflix. What's the next show that we want to watch? We're just so, everything is in our face. We just don't have time to slow down. And we think that if we slow down, that that's bad. And we just really need to listen to ourselves and understand that that's not a bad thing to slow down and listen. So yeah, we just, we need to understand that it's okay to listen. Stop. Slow down.

Amanda Kaufman (07:01)

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What would you say to someone who really doesn't feel that permission? You know, this show goes out to a lot of entrepreneurs or new entrepreneurs who, for example, are probably working a full-time job and starting their next gig, their next hustle. And so, you know, what would be your guidance to someone who maybe legitimately can't slow down?

Amy Dougherty (07:21)

That's hard because I'm in the same boat. I will admit I'm still in my nine to five while I'm coaching. And it is, it is hard to slow down. But it's funny in my coaching, you understand and you learn that actually the number one killer of women is heart disease. It's not cancer. People think that it's cancer. It's not, it's heart disease, which comes down to...

Astrogen and all of that, but it's not really that we can't slow down. It's a lot of you know, estrogen and Cardiovascular, but it's funny when you think of my gosh, the number one killer of women is heart disease We have to slow down. We have to take better care of ourselves. We have to really Learn to listen to those little keys. I keep coming back to that. I feel like a broken record to say that but we have to understand that

care is not selfish. So you have to find package. have to find an accountability partner if that's what you have to do. Journal, meditate, yoga, take an exercise class, whatever it is that works for you. Get in your car, go for a drive, listen to loud music, sing. You have to find what

works for you five, ten minutes a day. doesn't have to be long period of time. I'm not talking, you know, go take an hour and go away. Just something five, ten minutes to just bring you back to center and do that.

Amanda Kaufman (08:48)

I love that. I love that idea and I think like.

Something I really noticed when I became a high performance coach is I was learning a lot of these same techniques around like slowing down and paying attention and you know, we have our productivity habits and our influence habits and our energy habits and like all these different habits that we coach around in high performance. And the thing is, is it does require that...

So slow is smooth and smooth is fast, right? So I think like the big unlock for me personally and what I've noticed for a lot of my clients over the years has been this breakthrough realization that me slowing down to, for example, hydrate or me slowing down to make sure that there's something for mom on the agenda today, right? And that there's that.

protection, I guess, of healthy habits and so on. I love what you said, but it's not selfish. Self-care is not selfish. And in fact, I would take it another level, self-care is a responsible thing to do. And it's so easy, I think, to get trapped in the belief system that you are human doing and not a human being.

Amy Dougherty (09:53)

So I'm play you a bit this, and then we'll be see something.

Amanda Kaufman (10:02)

And the thing is, like, who are you doing that for exactly? Is another really good question, dear listener, to really think about it as like, all right, you're sacrificing your health for your kids. Would your kids want that for you? You're sacrificing it for your spouse. Would your spouse want that for you? You're doing it for your boss. Would your boss really want that for you in the longer term, your team? Like, who are you doing it for, you know, to let all these things go? And that's like a really hard question because I think a lot

Amy Dougherty (10:16)

Thank you.

Amanda Kaufman (10:30)

of our value on a identity level comes from being needed.

Amy Dougherty (10:36)

It does. It does. And it's funny because I talk a lot about inner critic too. And our inner critic, you know, always gets the better of us. And I always say, you know, our inner critic, you know, would you say that to your best friend? If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, don't say it to yourself. And it kind of goes along with the same thing. Like you always tell your best friend, slow down, relax, take it easy.

Amanda Kaufman (10:38)

Yeah.

Amy Dougherty (10:59)

But we never say those things to ourself. Like you have to start saying those things to yourself that you say to your best friend. You are your best friend. You need to treat yourself like your best friend.

Amanda Kaufman (11:06)

Mm-hmm.

That's a big adjustment for a lot of people, you know? And speaking from personal experience, like that's tough, especially if you have had an inner critic screaming at you for 40 or 50 years, right? What would you say are your favorite techniques for handling that inner critic?

Amy Dougherty (11:28)

yeah, it's tough because my inner career, I've named her Sybil from that movie from the 70s. That's what I call her because she's mean. She is really mean. It's taken a lot of work to really tame her and she still does get the best of me sometimes. But it's really recognizing her voice and she has a voice. So it's recognizing her voice from my own voice. And you have to stop and listen.

Is it her or is it me? And listening and then just taking a deep breath and pausing for a minute and just letting that pause before you react and before you do something. And then just really breathing and like I said, before you can react and knowing, okay, that was Sybil. It's Sybil, she's mean, let her calm down.

and then Amy can go forward.

Amanda Kaufman (12:24)

Hmm, it's so good. It's reminding me of that saying, don't believe what you think.

Amy Dougherty (12:31)

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Amanda Kaufman (12:32)

Right? Like be very careful

about believing what you think because because you're right. Like that's not our authentic true voice. Your true voice would never want to hurt you. Right? Your true voice would want you to to thrive, to be happy, to be safe, to be protected, to be loved and to be loving. Like that's that's our core. That's our core self. That's that's truth. Right. But we have so many influences starting from birth forward.

Amy Dougherty (12:41)

Absolutely.

Amanda Kaufman (13:01)

that can really convey some very funny ideas. And those funny ideas can really not feel funny at all. They can feel threatening and they can feel unsafe. So then we repeat and repeat and repeat those thoughts over and over again. Not because they are capital T true, but because believing it at the time kept us safe.

Amy Dougherty (13:09)

Okay. Okay.

Amanda Kaufman (13:22)

So, you know, learning that you're safe now and you don't need it anymore. You don't need that that voice anymore. It is it is a so far a lifelong pursuit. You know, like you said, it's one thing to train yourself to recognize the voice. But I think something that I've observed is that it just never seems to go away. Do you have the secret? Does it ever go away? Never goes away. OK.

Amy Dougherty (13:43)

It never goes away. That's why you just have to learn to recognize that voice and just

you you have to learn to tame it because no she's always there. She's always there.

Amanda Kaufman (13:52)

She's always there, I love it. Amy, if someone wanted to learn more about perimenopause, menopause, and coaching through it, what's the best way for them to follow you?

Amy Dougherty (14:02)

Thriving in Midlife on Instagram. So follow me there or my website is amydorty.com and I actually have a freebie there. So grab it. It's seven healthy habits. Easy. Not going to strain your life at all, but yeah, grab the freebie. Seven healthy habits. So yeah, go amydorty.com.

Amanda Kaufman (14:21)

that way.

Awesome, awesome. And dear listener, we'll make sure that we have Amy's links in the show notes below wherever you happen to be listening. Amy, thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate you taking the time.

Amy Dougherty (14:34)

Thank you so much for having me, Amanda. This was fantastic.

Amanda Kaufman (14:38)

I love it, I love it. And dear listener, do check out the link, the show notes below for the links.

for Amy, for the show and all of that. And hey, if you've loved listening, don't forget to subscribe so that you will get the next episode as soon as it becomes available. And if you really loved it, be sure you grab a link wherever you happen to be listening and forward it to three of your friends. You know, this is a time of change and transformation that if you're all alone through that, it sucks. So make sure you grab this episode and share it with a few of your friends.

Amy Dougherty (15:09)

Thank

Amanda Kaufman (15:11)

Alright, we'll be back with another episode very shortly and until then, make sure you do what matters.