The Discipline Myth: What Coaches Actually Need to Grow Their Business

Most coaches think their biggest problem is discipline. They tell themselves they need more consistency, more structure, more willpower. They assume that if they could just try harder, everything would finally click.

But after years of working with coaches and building my own business, I have come to a very different conclusion. Discipline is rarely the real issue. What looks like a discipline problem is almost always a self-leadership problem.

In this episode, Carlos Villarreal and I unpack why so many capable, trained, passionate coaches feel stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated with their progress. And more importantly, we talk about what actually creates momentum in a coaching business.

Why “Just Be More Disciplined” Does Not Work

Most coaches already know what they are supposed to do. They know they should be having conversations, creating content, making offers, and following up. The issue is not a lack of information.

The issue is that they are trying to apply discipline on top of confusion.

When you are unclear about priorities, unsure what actually matters, or overwhelmed by too many options, discipline feels exhausting. You end up beating yourself up for not following through instead of asking a better question: what am I actually leading myself toward?

Carlos makes this distinction clearly. Discipline without direction turns into burnout. Discipline without focus turns into busywork. Discipline without self-leadership becomes self-punishment.

Self-Leadership Comes Before Consistency

Self-leadership starts with something simple and uncomfortable: keeping promises to yourself.

Carlos explains that many people feel stuck in life or business because they no longer trust themselves to follow through. They say they will post content, reach out to someone, or make an offer, and then they do not. Over time, that broken trust erodes confidence.

This is where many coaches misunderstand confidence. Confidence is not something you wait for before taking action. Confidence is built by taking action consistently, even when you do not feel like it.

Not because you are forcing yourself, but because someone else needs you at your best.

When Carlos asks, “Who needs me on my A game today?” the answer is rarely himself. It is his clients, his future clients, and the people he is meant to serve. That shift changes how showing up feels.

The Real Transition Coaches Must Make

One of the most important moments in this conversation is when we talk about the transition from employee to business owner.

When most coaches were employed, they showed up regardless of how they felt. They completed tasks, met deadlines, and kept commitments because there were consequences if they did not.

When they start a coaching business, that external structure disappears. Many coaches do not replace it with internal leadership. Instead, they rely on motivation, inspiration, or discipline, all of which are unreliable.

A coaching business requires you to lead yourself the way you once showed up for a boss. That does not mean working longer hours. It means being clear about what actually grows the business and committing to those actions consistently.

Coaching Skill Is Table Stakes

Another hard truth we discuss is that being a good coach is not enough.

Coaching skill, certifications, and personal development are table stakes. They allow you to sit at the table, but they do not guarantee success. Many coaches continue to stack certifications because it feels productive and safe, while avoiding the harder work of running a business.

Growth does not come from knowing more frameworks. It comes from having real conversations with real people who can benefit from coaching.

Carlos simplifies this beautifully. If you want to grow your coaching business, you must consistently connect with people. Everything else supports that core action.

Simplicity Is Not Laziness

One of the biggest mistakes coaches make is overcomplicating growth. They believe success requires complex funnels, constant social media output, or doing what every other coach is doing.

But if you want average results, follow average behavior.

Sustainable growth comes from letting things be as simple as possible while still working. Meeting new people. Having meaningful conversations. Making clear offers. Following up.

Self-leadership means choosing simplicity even when complexity feels more impressive.

Confidence Is Built Through Action

Carlos reinforces a critical idea throughout the episode. Everyone is good enough to do something. The difference between coaches who grow and those who stall is not talent. It is the willingness to decide, act, and stay consistent long enough for confidence to form.

Rejection stops feeling personal when you have enough experience. Fear loses its grip when action becomes normal. Momentum builds when promises to yourself are kept, not when motivation appears.

What Actually Moves the Needle

If you are a coach who feels stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated, this episode invites you to stop asking how to be more disciplined and start asking better questions.

What am I focusing on?
What promises am I making to myself?
What actions actually grow my business?
Who needs me to show up today?

Self-leadership is not glamorous. It is not loud. But it is the foundation of every sustainable coaching business.

And once it is in place, discipline takes care of itself.

Chapter List:

00:00 Introduction to High Performance Coaching

02:46 The Importance of Focus in Leadership

05:15 Self-Leadership and Keeping Promises

08:07 Overcoming Obstacles to Consistency

11:03 Running a Coaching Business as a Real Business

13:37 Table Stakes in Coaching

16:42 Building Confidence and Community

19:19 Conclusion and Call to Action

Full Transcript:

Carlos Villarreal (00:00)

Everyone's good enough to do something. You just have to

make up your mind to do it and then take the action. And when you you continuously take that action and you're consistent, that's where the confidence builds

Amanda Kaufman (00:32)

Well, hey, hey, and welcome back to the Amanda Kaufman show. And I'm so delighted to introduce you to my friend, Carlos Villarreal. He is a fellow certified high performance coach, and he's a business growth partner who helps entrepreneurs and business owners cut through overwhelm, gain clarity, and focus on intentional growth. With over 16 years as a business consultant, he's had mentorship from leaders such as Zig Ziglar, Tony Robbins, and

our mutual mentor, Brendan Burchard. Carlos is passionate about helping leaders build their confidence, master their routines, and perform at their highest level. Carlos, welcome to the show.

Carlos Villarreal (01:14)

Amanda, so glad to be here. so excited to be on the Amanda Kaufman show. This is exciting.

Amanda Kaufman (01:22)

Yes, thank you so much. I'm really glad that you're here. And you you've been in business for quite some time. You've learned from some really heavy hitters. And my biggest thought today is what makes focusing on leadership and focusing on our intentionality and confidence so important.

Carlos Villarreal (01:41)

Yeah, so, you know, when we talk about leadership and focus, you know, I'm going to start by saying that I think focus is underestimated. And what I mean by that is, look, I've heard, you've probably heard so many quotes just like I have, but I always think back about Tony Robbins quote about where focus goes, energy flows. And I really think that focus is underestimated because

Just like with many other quotes, we can tend to repeat them, but what does it really mean? And what it means for me is, we don't experience life, we really experience what we focus on. And when working with business owners and coaches, I know your audience is, coaches need to really think through on what they wanna focus.

focus on to build their coaching business. And that's true leadership. You you've got to lead yourself first before you can lead others. And that's what comes to mind for me when I think about, you know, leadership and focus and how to build a sustainable coaching business.

Amanda Kaufman (02:52)

It's so good. I've heard this so many times and I would love your perspective on it about what does it mean to self lead. And the reason why I'm so curious about your perspective on this is I have to tell you, working with so many coaches, the thing I hear from them the most often is I need to be more disciplined. I need to have more consistency. I need, I did, did, did, did, And it's often like,

this really negative point of view on self and their relationship with taking action on things. They know they're very distracted. They know that there are certain activities and actions that will make their business more productive. But again, like I just, it.

Carlos, it breaks my heart. It actually makes me very sad because, and not that anybody listening shouldn't tell me that that's how they authentically feel, but it just sounds like this constant beat up. So how does a coach activate self leadership in a way that is going to...

make them feel more like they're on track with discipline or make them feel more like they're on track with consistency. I'd love your take on like, well, what is self leadership and how do I activate it?

Carlos Villarreal (04:05)

Yeah, I think such a great question and great perspective. mean, we could talk for days on this probably. ⁓ But due to the length of time that we have, the way that I would describe it is, you know, my perspective is you've got to keep your promises to yourself. Now, that's a lot easier said than done, right? Because a lot of us don't even do that outside of our

Amanda Kaufman (04:12)

you

Carlos Villarreal (04:31)

our business or career that we do. you know, like we wonder like, why are we stuck in a certain situation? Let's just call it life. You know, we're stuck in life. We're not moving forward. We're not progressing. And it's because we're not keeping our promises to ourselves. And my take on that is, look, most coaches like myself, we had a previous job.

previous career, we did something and then something happened in our life and we turned the switch and we became a coach, right? But when you think about it and you think about like when we went to work, when we were an employee and we were an employee, we had a job to do. And more than likely, I would say that most people, they did their job, right? They had their tasks.

They had their goals, they had everything that they had to do on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly basis. And so we got the work done despite how we felt. You know, maybe we didn't wake up, you know, who wakes up in a great mood every morning? It's work. There's a discipline, there's a practice, there's a routine that's required to be able to get us in the right state of mind.

right? The right mindset to do anything that we want. But when we think about when we were an employee and we worked for someone else, if we didn't get the work done, we're probably not going to be there for a long period of time, right? They're going to get rid of us. And so it's kind of when you have your own coaching business and you're building that, you know, you've got to have that same discipline to

Amanda Kaufman (05:46)

Right.

Carlos Villarreal (06:13)

be able to keep your promises to yourself, to lead yourself regardless how you feel. You know, because there's a lot of times where I may not feel like, you know, creating some content. You know, there are times where maybe something happens right before I get on a client call. But I have to show up. I have to show up. And I know that for me to show up,

It's not for me, it's for them. It's like, you know, who needs me on my A game today? It's my client, it's a potential client, it's anybody that's around me. You know, am I going to live my core values of, you know, living with intention and be able to inspire people and elevate people.

Amanda Kaufman (06:43)

Yeah.

So good.

Question who needs me on my a game is one of my favorite high performance questions like a huge advocate for the high performance planner And it's like in there every day right who needs me on my a game You know I talked to a lot of people that are really motivated by Helping others and being you know available to others and there's like this I've noticed a tipping point right where we start getting into a people pleasing mode and so a lot of

of

coaches when I talk to them about, and we dig a little deeper into, what's the obstacle to your consistency? What's your clarity about what you're supposed to be consistent with? often when we have that conversation, it's revealed it's like, I actually am not comfortable using the app to post to social media, for example. I don't know how the app works. it's like, OK, well, how can you hold yourself to this, you know,

Pseudo accountability will call it. How can you hold yourself to this accountability of like I'll post regularly to social media? That's a super super common one if You haven't given yourself the clarity and permission to just be like, you know what? I don't know how the interface works. Let me play with it Let me have some time with it and when you have the clarity about for example how to make a post

then it seems more reasonable, at least where I'm sitting, that you can hold yourself to this standard of consistently posting because now you've overcome the obstacle of how do I do it? You know, what are the steps to do it? I notice that a lot of coaches, they want to activate this discipline or this consistency.

because they want to be there for people who need them with their A game. But I notice they still sometimes stay stuck. So if you're talking to someone who's like, yes, I figured out who, yes, I figured out what my impact is, yes, I figured out what that best self is, and they're still not keeping promises to themselves, where do you like to explore as a coach to help them get past that?

Carlos Villarreal (09:04)

had to go through this myself. a lot of that I found in my experiences, I was making it about myself. And when you think about the world that we live in, society and specifically social media.

You know, when I got into coaching, I thought it was going to be very simple. You know, I was coming out of being a business consultant, you know, in a corporate setting. But I thought, okay, I'm going to create this coaching business. I'm going to have clients. I'm going to help them grow their business. End of story. Like, you know, there's going to be some breakthroughs. and, and, you know, I thought that's how simple it was going to be. And, you know, I hired my own coach, you know.

I had actually a couple of coaches at the very beginning and I didn't know anything about like social media and I had one coach and he was a great coach. I learned a lot from him but he loved Gary Vee. If anybody doesn't know Gary Vee on social media, it's like, you you got to post like all the time, like, you know, 10, 20 times a day, whatever, you know, the cadence would be. And I was overwhelmed myself, you know, when I was getting into social media.

And so, you know, we're coaches, I think they get stuck is, you know, I think there's two parts to, to, you know, when people think about coaching and my experience, it's like, tend to do a lot of things to, to, be a great coach, to be a great coach on how do we, you know, how, you know, what's the framework we take the client through? What are the questions? Like, how do we have a great relationship?

How do we have that great interaction? But I think where the big miss for a lot of coaches is running a coaching business as a real business. As a real business and like you were talking a little bit ago about like, if you don't know how to do something, well, you've got to learn it. It's a new skill set. When many people

if you're employed in a corporate setting, wherever you're working, and you didn't know how to do something, then you became resourceful and you find a way to make it happen. And so with coaching, I think one of the big misses is it's not a hobby. If you really want a sustainable and successful coaching business,

Amanda Kaufman (11:22)

Mm.

Carlos Villarreal (11:34)

whatever that definition of success is for you, then you've got to lead yourself, not make it about yourself, make it about your clients, but you also have to run it as a business. And you first start off by becoming a business operator first. You're wearing all the different hats. You're doing the social media. And then as you start to grow, if you choose to,

then you can start to create a team. Might be one person, might be five people, might be 10 people, but then that's where you really start to scale. it's about being like really serious about creating a successful coaching business. You need those other elements. It's not just coaching and thinking about just that one-on-one conversation with your clients.

Amanda Kaufman (12:23)

You're making me think of like two things that really helped me to build a business to multiple six figures and sustain that even with kids at home, even with my husband, you know, being a work from home kind of dad, even with, you know, the things that life brings us, right? Life does not, life is, is, is not without tragedy and struggle. Like that's all part of it. And so two things, one is I,

have this phrase and I call it the table stakes. So if you go to Las Vegas, there's tables that you can just sit down and if you have a penny you could play. But if you there's other tables that if you want the high high risk high reward there's table stakes and you've got to be willing to put on the table an amount to even be allowed to play. And so when I think about that

concept that idea it's like if you're playing for pennies and nickels there's just

not a lot that's ever going to be asked of you, but guess what? The wins, the takes are going to also be pretty small, right? Because the table stakes are super low. And if you're wanting to play a much bigger game, then the table stakes are a little higher. So for me, I was like, you know what? Being an amazing coach and a good human with character is table stakes. That's to allow you to play. That doesn't say anything about whether you win or not. That's just to be allowed to sit at this table.

One must have coaching skill. One must have personality, right? Like one must do these things in order to even play. And so that was like the first thing that came up for me as you were talking. I'm like, a lot of coaches do not realize that their certification gives them table stakes. It does not give them a guarantee of winning.

Carlos Villarreal (14:08)

Right, absolutely. Great, yeah, great, great point, you know, because I think it's so easy to get caught up into the coaching industry and I'll just take it further to personal development. And it's like, you know, we always feel like we need more, more certifications, more credentials, more strategies. And I know so many coaches that I've known for years.

And they're doing certification after certification, and they're doing programs after program. And I really think that comes from lack of confidence, that they don't have that confidence within them. Are they good enough to, you know, put themselves out there? You know, and when it really comes down to, you know, again, early on, like,

I didn't know anything about social media and then I got involved in it. And social media is great. I'm not saying that it's not bad, but you've got to use it in the right way instead of like consume it like we've always heard. to build a sustainable coaching business, the simple part about it is having that clear path of what you need to do. And for me, it's always been about

What's the one thing that I consistently need to do to grow my coaching business? And that comes down to speaking with people all the time and having meaningful conversations with potential clients. That's what it comes down to. And yeah, there's a lot of other skill sets that are involved. There's marketing and innovation and a lot of these things, but that's what it comes down to.

you know, for me.

Amanda Kaufman (15:49)

Yeah, and that's the second piece that I found so super helpful. One was that table stakes idea. The other is let it be as simple as works, right? So let it be as simple as works. And you just said it. It's consistently connecting with people who benefit from being connected to a coach, right?

And that's not everybody on the planet Earth. But if you just keep it very simple like that, it's like, what am I doing every day to make sure I'm meeting somebody new this week? Right?

And maybe it's going to that networking event, or maybe it's leveraging the conversations already on the calendar to ask the question, like, who else should I be speaking to? Who else do you know that would benefit from having conversations like this with someone like me? And just opening the door just through your networked conversations. The social media presence, I'm so curious, like, for you.

Because coaches really put a lot of emphasis on this. like, you know, if I was just good at social media, then everything would be different. Right. And I'm like, well, if that was true, look, the second principle apart from table stakes is if you want what everybody else has, then do what everybody else does. And the average of what a coach has, sadly, is very, you know, minimal return on investment. So what do you notice?

in yourself as you model and I'm guessing you're modeling like please affirm or deny this. Do you model your behavior off of what average coaches do? You've got clients, you've got you've got all this. Would you say that you model yourself off your peers or where are you pulling your ideas from?

Carlos Villarreal (17:33)

I'm pulling my ideas from, you know, I have like, I have two coaches right now. I personally have two coaches and you know, I mean, I, it's like, if you want to know how to get from point A to point B, the fastest way, like get with somebody that's done it already, you know,

Amanda Kaufman (17:41)

There it is.

But yeah.

Carlos Villarreal (18:02)

And

social media, the word coach has just been really diluted in my opinion, because everybody wants to be a coach. I thought about, was in corporate, still in my first company I worked for for 18 years. And back then I thought about becoming a coach. I became aware of Tony Robbins.

And I thought about, wow, one day I would just love to teach what he teaches and be on stage and everything. But back then the internet wasn't the internet and there was no social media. Like, where did I, you where would I even start? Where would I go? So I just like, I was just an autopilot, hey, retail and corporate's going well, you know, status quo, good pay, great benefits, you know, and then moved on until something changed. it's like,

Amanda Kaufman (18:45)

Yeah.

Yeah.

Carlos Villarreal (18:59)

You know, you've got to get with someone or the right community of people that are going to help you elevate your game. And I think people in general, it's a sphere of not wanting to be seen either starting small or feel like they're not good enough. Everyone's good enough to do something. You just have to make

Amanda Kaufman (19:08)

That's right.

Carlos Villarreal (19:23)

make up your mind to do it and then take the action. And when you you continuously take that action and you're consistent, that's where the confidence builds

that you're just like you're going to go all the time. You're not going to worry about getting on a call with someone or rejection of hearing a no. No, that's like you anticipate that, you know, through experience. But

But you know that the, you you have to ask, you have to make an offer. You've got to take some action if you want to grow your business.

Amanda Kaufman (20:00)

Carlos, what is the best way for people to follow you?

Carlos Villarreal (20:04)

Follow me on Instagram. My handle is Carlos Villarreal coaching Follow me there and as a matter of fact Send you know message me let's do code word Amanda and I will send to you you don't have to sign up for an email or anything like that to you just message me on Instagram and I will send you my PDF on the framework that I use because I'm very

clear on what I need to do and that's basically very, you know, three steps that I follow. You're either coaching, you're connecting, or you're creating. And so if you want, send me a message on my Instagram and I'll be more than happy to send you that PDF for you to use.

Amanda Kaufman (20:45)

love it. love it. Carlos, thank you so much for being here.

Carlos Villarreal (20:49)

Thank you for having me, Amanda. This has been great, and I wish we had more time, but I really enjoyed speaking with you.

Amanda Kaufman (20:56)

Absolutely, yes, we'll have to just do it again sometime soon. And dear listener, I'm sure you haven't had enough time to get to know Carlos, so make sure you check out the show notes. You'll be able to get his Instagram link there as well as his website and other details. And we will be back with another episode very soon, but until then, make sure that you do what matters. If you haven't already, subscribe and grab the link to this episode and share it with three of your coach friends who need to hear that they can do this, that everybody

has what it takes to do it, they just need to make a new decision with their self leadership today. So go ahead and grab the link and share this with them. And finally, if you've been enjoying the show, make sure you stop by and leave us an honest review. It helps people to decide if they want to spend time with us and we always greatly appreciate it. Until the next time that I see you, do what matters.