
Why You Still Feel Stuck Even When You Know What to Do
Why You Still Feel Stuck Even When You Know What to Do
How many times have you said this to yourself:
“I know what I need to do. I just can’t seem to make myself do it.”
As a coach, entrepreneur, or creative, this experience can feel incredibly frustrating. You’ve done the mindset work, you’ve mapped out the plan, and you even feel clear on your goals. So why is it still hard to follow through?
In this week’s episode of The Amanda Kaufman Show, I sat down with Kam Knight, a bestselling author and expert in mental performance, to unpack the real reasons we experience resistance, even when we’re highly motivated. Kam has written 12 books, coached thousands of people around the world, and traveled to over 100 countries. His insights are grounded, deeply researched, and most of all, practical.
This conversation wasn’t just helpful. It was freeing.
Your Brain Wants More Than You Can Handle
One of the most powerful insights Kam shared is that the part of your brain that creates desire is not the same part that allows you to act on that desire. That alone explains so much.
According to Kam, “It is possible for our brain to create a desire for something and at the same time, hold us back from it.”
So when you feel excited about a new project or goal, that excitement is real. But once you start to move toward it, your brain runs through a massive list of unconscious filters like limiting beliefs, fear of judgment, patterns from childhood. If the desire doesn’t match those internal criteria, your system hits the brakes. Without warning. Without explanation.
The result? You feel stuck, frustrated, and confused. But it’s not because you’re lazy or unmotivated. It’s because your brain is doing its job, and you’ve never been taught how to navigate that internal conflict.
Why Focus Is More Valuable Than Drive
Kam talked about the importance of what he calls singular focus. It’s something he used intentionally to write his books, coach his clients, and explore the world. He made bold decisions to eliminate distractions from his life. He turned off media, skipped social events, and even paused his intake of personal development content. Not because he wasn’t interested, but because he understood that more input meant more desire. And more desire meant more fragmentation.
This really resonated with me. I shared with Kam that I’ve been on what I call an “events diet” this year. Not because I don’t value learning, but because I needed to quiet the external noise so I could create from within. When our attention is pulled in multiple directions, we lose momentum. But when we give ourselves permission to focus deeply on what matters most, we begin to reclaim our power.
The Real Role of Guilt in Your Decision-Making
One of the most eye-opening moments in our conversation was when Kam explained how guilt influences our actions, often in ways we don’t realize. He said, “If a person doesn't do something because they'll feel guilty, they're not doing it because they want to. They're doing it so they don't feel that pain of guilt.”
This hit me hard because I see it all the time in my community. Coaches who overdeliver. Entrepreneurs who say yes when they mean no. People who confuse guilt avoidance with generosity. But the truth is, when we act out of guilt, we’re not acting in alignment. We’re managing discomfort.
Kam made the point that guilt-based decisions are still self-serving. Just not in a healthy or intentional way. And when we recognize that, we can start to make choices that are rooted in values, not emotional avoidance.
Resistance Isn’t a Wall. It’s a Signal.
We also explored the topic of internal resistance. If you’ve ever tried to take action and felt an invisible force holding you back, you know how disorienting that can be. Kam explained that resistance is not a character flaw. It’s feedback.
Your brain is scanning your actions against a whole host of unconscious patterns. If something feels unsafe or unfamiliar, it will shut down the action before it even begins. That shutdown might look like procrastination, distraction, or even forgetting. But underneath it all is a protective mechanism that’s trying to keep you emotionally safe, even if it’s keeping you stuck.
Kam has identified over 25 internal criteria that the brain uses to evaluate whether it’s safe to take action. That might sound overwhelming, but it actually explains why personal growth isn’t linear. You might clear one block, only to find another waiting underneath. That’s not failure. That’s the work.
You’re Not Behind. You’re Just Learning.
If you’ve been feeling stuck, unclear, or frustrated with your progress, I want you to hear this. Nothing is wrong with you. You are not behind. You are learning to navigate a complex internal system that most people never even know exists.
When you begin to understand how your brain responds to desire, fear, and perceived risk, you take back your agency. You start to make choices that are conscious, not reactive. You stop spinning your wheels and start moving forward with clarity.
This episode reminded me that change doesn’t always start with a big breakthrough. Sometimes it starts with a simple truth, fully understood.
Kam Knight brings that truth in such a grounded and powerful way.
So if you’ve been asking yourself, “Why do I keep getting in my own way?” this episode will give you answers. Not quick fixes. Real insight. And maybe, just maybe, the permission to be a little kinder to yourself along the way.

Chapters List
00:00 Introduction to Cam Knight
01:49 The Secret to Prolific Writing
03:49 The Importance of Singular Focus
08:23 Learning to Say No
09:57 Understanding Guilt and People-Pleasing
12:22 Authentic Desire vs. External Pressure
19:42 Overcoming Internal Resistance
Full Transcript
KamKnight.com (00:00)
to do things that are extreme, it's really important to, take extreme measures. It all comes down to what is the result that you want and what are you willing to do to get it?
Amanda Kaufman (00:28)
Well, hey, hey, welcome back to the Amanda Kaufman show. I am so excited to invite you into today's episode and meet my friend Kam Knight. Kam is a international speaker, a bestselling author of a dozen books in the area of mental, emotional and physical performance. He's known for bringing fresh solutions and insights that are a rare departure from how people typically tend to think about these things. And so his
become a gold standard for their respective topics. He's helped over half a million people and when he's not coaching or writing he's traveling and he has visited get this over a hundred countries around the world. Amazing! Kam, welcome to the show! I'm so glad that you're here!
KamKnight.com (01:17)
Thank you very much, Amanda. I am excited to be here.
Amanda Kaufman (01:21)
so good. So good. Now, I mean, books, so many books. OK, I just got to ask you right off the top, because a lot of our listeners were, you know, we're entrepreneurs. We're very busy. We're coaches. We want to help. You've clearly unlocked something here to to be able so prolific in writing books that reach so many people. What what's your secret? What? How do you how do you do that? And, you know, do all the traveling, do all the coaching, do all the speaking.
KamKnight.com (01:24)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I wouldn't say there's actually one secret because a lot of times people are asking me, what's the one piece of advice you can give? And what I want people to understand is that there really isn't one piece of advice. There's a lot of things that need to be falling into place for us to make the progress that we're seeking. And when a person does find that one piece of advice where they think that was like the game changer for them,
It's usually because they had all the other things in place and they just
Amanda Kaufman (02:20)
It's like the last
piece as opposed to the one piece.
KamKnight.com (02:23)
Exactly. So it was just that puzzle piece that was missing that helped them put everything together. And what I have noticed is a lot of people are looking for that one piece of advice, that one golden nugget. But really, there isn't one. We have to really focus on a lot of different areas. Though, if I could give one piece of advice, at least for me, what really helped me was singular focus, because now we're living in a world where there's so many options.
Amanda Kaufman (02:42)
and
KamKnight.com (02:53)
and our options have options, that it's easy to kind of like fall in all over the place. And so the reason I've been able to do what I have, know, 12 bix isn't an easy feat. And this was all prior to chat GPT. So, I mean, it was a, I actually wrote my books. Yes. Whereas everyone's having AI do it. There was no AI back then. I mean, we had spellcheck, but that was the extent of it. But
Amanda Kaufman (03:09)
Wait, you actually wrote your books? Wild!
KamKnight.com (03:21)
To do that, I really cut out everything. I cut out television, I cut out media, I cut out YouTube. I even in many respects cut out reading personal development because it would give me too much inspiration to do other things. And Amanda, I even went as far as to cut out people in a lot of ways and essentially created a bubble to essentially block as many triggering stimuli.
that would take me off of my path. And I know this sounds extreme, but I think to do things that are extreme, like writing 12 books and traveling to 100 countries, it's really important to, in some ways, take extreme measures. It all comes down to like, what is the result that you want and what are you willing to do to get it? And for me, I just knew that's what I needed to do because the reason for me that was so important is because
I have what I call an overactive mind or overactive wanting mechanism where my brain sees something and it wants it and it hears something and it wants that too. In fact, oftentimes I don't have to hear or see anything. My brain is pulling me in all sorts of directions. And later on in life, I realized if I wanted to accomplish anything, I needed a way to manage this. And this is what I found to be the most effective.
Amanda Kaufman (04:43)
I love this. I literally just this morning had a conversation with a colleague and they were telling me about the different events that they're going to. And I jokingly said, but it's very relevant to what you're saying about singular focus. I said, I've been on a bit of an events diet. I love going to events, but I so resonate with what you're saying about this idea brain. And what I told my colleague friend was that I...
KamKnight.com (04:59)
Yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (05:08)
I just, wanted to slow down the inputs so that I could focus on getting my art out, getting my creativity out, getting, you know, getting my music out and not literal music. Nobody looked for me on Spotify, but, but in terms of my creative goals and the business goals, my creative business goals as well.
KamKnight.com (05:12)
Yes!
Yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (05:28)
This year I have gone to markedly fewer events and now I have a name for it, Singular Focus.
KamKnight.com (05:35)
Yeah, yeah. In fact, I love this one quote and I think your audience will really resonate. It's by David Allen. He says, you can have anything you want, but not everything. And I love that because the way our brain is designed, the part of the brain that creates wants and desires, it's actually completely unrestrained. It's creating endless wants one after another at a pace faster than any one person can achieve. So this part of the brain
doesn't realize that our time, energy, and resources are limited. It simply creates wants. And even while we're working on one want, it'll create other wants to chase. And so, and what's really crazy about our wants is that when we do get these wants, it floods our body with these really intense, inspiring emotions, which can convince us, yes, I can do it. I have the time, I have the ability, when really we don't.
And so we really need to manage our wants. We really need to like kind of control and cut out as many as possible. So the ones that we do have, we have the time and energy to actually go after and chase. And so if people can understand, yeah, we can have anything we want, but we do have to get rid of a lot of these other ones. It can like create that ship that they need because
We're just living in a world where we just want it all. We want to do everything. But is this not possible?
Amanda Kaufman (07:07)
my gosh, so not to be totally obnoxious, but I literally have tattoos about this, right? So on my left hand side, I facing me in my mother's handwriting, do what matters. And that's essentially the same idea where it's I get to, I'm the arbitrar, I'm the one that gets to decide where I'm gonna direct my time, my money, my energy, right? But then on the other side, facing the world, right? It says in my handwriting,
KamKnight.com (07:18)
Yes.
Yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (07:35)
let it go. And then it's got this, this pattern of kind of an infinity symbol that goes off into the distance because it like that's really my experience is exactly what you're saying. So much of activating a good life is about letting things go and really just focusing in on the things that matter to you.
KamKnight.com (07:47)
That's it.
Letting things go.
Yeah, yeah. And if I could add to that, I would probably say in addition to letting things go, I think we're at a point now more than ever where we need to learn to say no. We have to say no to a lot of things to say no to people with the say no to these wants and desires that their brains creating. We have to say no to a lot of these things that are being asked of us in order to be able to stay with what it is that we want.
Amanda Kaufman (08:09)
Hmm.
KamKnight.com (08:25)
or what it is that we truly desire or what it is that is our calling. And I don't think a lot of people are really talking about it so much. But one of the most important things in our time really is cultivating this ability to say no and do it in a way where we don't feel bad because a lot of times guilt can come in because we're not saying yes or we're letting people down or we're not showing up for others. But we just can't.
you know, spread ourselves through thin, otherwise that's the results we're going to get.
Amanda Kaufman (08:56)
Let's unpack that one a little bit because I completely agree with you. There's this wiring, it seems, to yes, like we all want yes, yes, now, yes, more, yes, desire. you know, so much of the marketing we experience, really is rooted in lack and in scarcity and being left out and the FOMO and like all of those kinds of things. So much of it, right? And
KamKnight.com (09:05)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So much of it, yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (09:25)
with good reason, it's basically reflecting back the collective psychology and sociology of people. Like that's why they do it. It's very, very, very effective. But for somebody who, let's just say that we've got somebody listening right now who has been spun up in maybe the people pleasing or feeling guilt or shame, like you said, about
about maybe the desire to say no, or maybe it's just so noisy that they're not sure they can say no to anything. What would you tell that person?
KamKnight.com (09:50)
Maybe.
Yeah.
Well, when it comes to guilt, what I tell people is either way you go, you're doing it for yourself. So if a person doesn't do something because they'll feel guilty, they're not doing it because they want to. They're doing it so they don't feel that pain of guilt. So they're still doing it for themselves. I know.
Amanda Kaufman (10:19)
Whoa, wow. my gosh. That is,
that's a big idea. And my goodness. Can you say that like maybe in another way or ways that you see people kind of do this and live this pattern out?
KamKnight.com (10:25)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. So a lot of times when they fall into guilt, they think they're being good and kind or generous to another person or they think they're doing it for the other person. But at the root of it, they're doing it so they don't feel the pain of the guilt. And so in a way, they're still doing it for themselves. So if they're still doing it for themselves, why not choose a thing that's going to be more helpful for them?
Amanda Kaufman (10:58)
my gosh, I want to take the three minute clip and I want to play it for every everybody that I've worked with in the coaching industry and the coaching space because you know, a of us were this was me too, just like pulled in because we love people and we and like we feel called to that to that impact but it's it's so easily perverted if you will, by the guilt and the shame and the people pleasing and it can take you out of
KamKnight.com (10:59)
Yeah, that's how I help people.
Yeah.
Yes, yes.
Amanda Kaufman (11:26)
operating as your best self or as your your highest version of you, right? Yeah.
KamKnight.com (11:30)
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
And so that's what I would say, because it's easy to assume, yeah, I'm being kind and generous. And yes, we are. But then there's that underlying thing where we're still doing it for ourselves. And if a person can understand, hey, if I do this thing for me, that's going to be beneficial. Or if I do this thing for this other person, so I don't feel guilty, since I'm still doing it for myself, I'll just pick the option that's going to be more healthy.
choice for me. Now, it doesn't mean that we don't ever do anything for others. I think it's really important to still show up for others, but this should help put the guilt in a better perspective in case somebody does fall into people pleasing thinking they're the victim when, you know, when we look at it deeply, they're making a choice that's still in the best interest for themselves.
Amanda Kaufman (12:00)
Mm.
This is absolutely cool. Kam, I'm so glad you joined us today. mean, like, this is incredible. So when somebody wants to, let's take that as yes, OK, whatever I do, it's going to be selfish at the end of the day because I'm being pulled towards my action and I have full agency. ⁓ So then now what? Like, how do you know? This is fun. How do you know that
KamKnight.com (12:24)
No. ⁓
Yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (12:50)
what you're listening to for you is what you want versus maybe parroting an echo of what you think you should want, or you think that maybe you have had a lot of exposure and experience with something and you're kind of defaulting. How do you know you're acting based on your true desire, your authentic desire versus potentially that
fear or that avoidance or that pain or that default.
KamKnight.com (13:19)
This is a tough one, and I think this goes really deep into the psychology of our wants. And, you know, our wants come up for so many different reasons. Well, a lot of the times it comes up for approval and acceptance and for attention. A lot of times it actually comes up to be seen, to be heard, to be known and to matter. And.
And because these are so like deep down operating at such a deep down unconscious level, when we get a desire to do something, a lot of times we think it's because we want to do it or it's because we're making the choice or that it's actually going to be fulfilling to us. But there are a lot of underlying causes like the things I mentioned. It could also even come from wanting security or wanting safety and
Again, it's not a very easy thing to just say, how do I know why I'm doing this or if I'm doing it for the right reasons? It does take a little bit of awareness. And the one thing and I struggle with this lot, especially when I wanted to be kind of donate and be generous. And the way I did it was for myself, knowing why I was truly doing something is I wouldn't talk about it because if I was telling people
what I was doing and why I was doing it and things, then I knew I was getting it for attention. But if I wasn't telling people and I still wanted to do it and have the motivation desire, then I knew I was doing it for more grounded reasons. Does that make sense? And yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (14:53)
It makes so much sense. I've heard two schools
of thought on these things, whether it was, you know, a donating goal or really any kind of a goal. And the two schools of thought are what you just said, which is keep it to yourself. ⁓ You know, they can find out once you've done it. And then the other school of thought is you need to tell everybody because you need that accountability. And, you know, I got to tell you, Kam, I tend to go the more along your lines of
KamKnight.com (15:03)
Yeah. Yep.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (15:21)
of that quiet, that introspection. And I mean, I'm not sure, I'm honestly not sure if that's the way I love to do it, or maybe it's like certain things that's better have that external accountability, say it out loud, call your shot, or maybe certain other things that's better to keep it down and quiet. But I like your point out, or your call out there of...
KamKnight.com (15:35)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (15:46)
If I'm feeling like I have to be performative or if I have to, if I have to gain your approval, then I will do the thing. Maybe I need to spend more time with that to really sit down and, you know, it's coming right back for me, it's coming right back to the values conversation of what do I value and am I consciously choosing this value or am I defaulting to my subconscious?
KamKnight.com (15:54)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (16:11)
⁓
desires and subconscious values. And I think the security one is a really big one for a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
KamKnight.com (16:18)
Securities, yeah, it's huge. Yeah,
so I do want to make a distinction because there is a lot of talk of like, hey, tell everybody so you can have accountability or keep it to yourself until you actually have done it. More or less, don't tell people what you're going to do. Show them what you're going to do. And this is great perspective to have when we're trying to figure out how to make sure that we stick to our commitments. But since you are asking
How do we know why we're doing if we're doing things for the right reasons? Then we can still use this principle, but to see if we're doing it to get attention or if we're doing it because this is what we truly want and desire. And so. This thing can help us with both, and I and there is a lot of talk about, tell everybody and and not. And I think there isn't one right way or not. It really depends on the person.
Because if somebody gets a lot of pressure for telling people what they're going to do and it creates a lot of pressure that they have to perform and that pressure does help them perform, then yeah, go for it. Start telling more people more of what you want to do so you can get that necessary pressure slash accountability to see to the end. For others, that's just too much pressure and they cower. And I wouldn't say I cower, but when I
I've just noticed that when I am talking about something before I do it, it almost never happens. But if I keep a tight lip on it, I do end up doing a lot more than I would have even said. Hence, I've written 12 books, traveled to 100 countries, and it wasn't just vacation. I mean, I did some pretty extreme stuff there, like hike the ice sheets of Greenland, tall this mountain range in Africa, slept in the oldest rainforest in...
in Asia or in the world in Asia and all of those things I wasn't telling everybody about. They were all things that I wanted to do. I went out and did it and then I started talking about it. And then again, I am always trying to figure out if what I'm doing is for the right reasons. And for me, the easiest way has been not telling too many people or anybody at all. And if I still do it and enjoy do it and want and want to do it, then
It validates for me that I'm on the right path.
Amanda Kaufman (18:39)
I love this. love this. mean, something I like to say a lot is that ideas are cheap. It's the execution that's really expensive.
KamKnight.com (18:47)
Yes, exactly. No, seriously, yeah,
and it kind of relates to something I heard recently, like learning without application, if you're not executing, is just entertainment.
Amanda Kaufman (19:01)
Yes. Yes, absolutely. So dear listener, make sure that you're executing, taking some notes. ⁓ I love that. I want to, I want to ask you to a little bit about this idea of internal resistance, you know? So, okay, great. Singular focus. Fantastic. Get quiet. Understand like why you're doing what you're doing. Sounds good. Amazing. Still really struggling maybe with activating that singular focus or just even
KamKnight.com (19:06)
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (19:27)
following through on the idea even if you're pretty sure you're doing it for the right reasons like What what causes that? What causes that resistance, but I think even more importantly, what can we do about it?
KamKnight.com (19:33)
Yeah.
Okay, so this is a really good question and I'm going to try to help people or your audience understand resistance first and then we can get a better answer. So to understand resistance, it helps to understand that the part of the brain that creates wants and desires work separately and independent of the part that allows you to act on that desire. Very important, so I'll say it again. The part of the brain that creates wants works separately from the part that allows you to act on that want.
So you have one part of the brain that's creating endless wants, as I mentioned, one after another. And it doesn't check to see if you have the time, resources or energy to achieve the want. It just simply creates wants, which is why it's really important for us to get singular focus because this wanting mechanism goes all over the place. But even once we hone in on that want, it gets evaluated by this other part of the brain using a whole host of criteria. And if it
If this desire is not in line with the criteria, our brain will prevent action. So another thing that's important to understand is that it is possible for our brain to create a desire for something and at the same time, hold us back from it. I know it's pretty wild, but that's what's really going on is because there's two mechanisms at play. In fact, I used to think whoever created humanity, whether it was God, aliens or evolution,
must have been really sick and twisted because how could they create us with these burning desires and then keep us from going after them? Like it just sounded, you know, so cruel, but it makes sense when you think about it this way. And the criteria can be quite extensive. You know, some of them are commonly known or discussed include limiting beliefs, habits and comfort zones. But when we really dive into it,
Amanda Kaufman (21:15)
It feels cruel, doesn't it?
KamKnight.com (21:34)
It goes much deeper, like authority issues, inner child things. There's a concept I call the secret. And I've kind of in my journey of studying internal resistance, I've come across over 25 things that the brain is evaluating. And so to answer the question, so how do we get over the resistance? Unfortunately, it's not that easy because we have to look at what is what criteria does it meet?
the desire that the brain is stopping us. If it's limiting beliefs, we've got to work on that. If we have authority issues, we've got to work on that. If we have other things, we've got to work on that. And what's interesting is that for some people, they have a lot and so have to go through a lot of stuff, which is why, you know, they'll learn about a concept that says, you got to work on your beliefs and they do, and they're still stuck and they think, this stuff doesn't work. Well, it's like it works. It's just that now you have something else to work.
and something else to work through. Yeah. Exactly.
Amanda Kaufman (22:29)
It's more complicated. It's getting back to that puzzle analogy that we talked about at the very beginning, that
the breakthrough usually comes when we get that critical piece of the puzzle. But so often, your puzzle's still not done. It's just that you've got more clarity. And yeah, I love that.
KamKnight.com (22:38)
No.
Yeah.
Yeah, so you got to dig a little bit deeper. But for some people, they're just at a place where maybe it was just a limiting belief or maybe it was just a habit issue or a self-image issue. And once they work on that, then they can make some huge progress. And then somebody will see that and be like, OK, I did what this person did, but I'm still stuck. And then, there's just another piece they have to work through. But unfortunately, it's easy to think.
Amanda Kaufman (23:07)
different puzzle.
KamKnight.com (23:15)
or there's something wrong with me or I'm not cut out for it or it won't work for me. That's not the case. It's just you got, there's another piece that is holding you back that we got to work through. yeah. Yeah.
Amanda Kaufman (23:28)
So good. Kam, what
is the best way for people to follow you?
KamKnight.com (23:33)
Yeah, the easiest way is to reach out to me on my website. That's camnight.com. K-A-M-K-N-I-G-H-T dot com. And I've got a free gift for your audience, which is five ways to win procrastination and sabotage. It seems like a simple concept, but this guide really goes into the psychology of how our brain tricks us for moving forward. What's really important to understand is when resistance stops us, it doesn't tell us that it's stopped.
It doesn't say, Amanda, you know, this thing that you're trying to do, it goes against our authority issue, so I can't let you do it. The inaction manifests in very manipulative ways. And the tricks the brain uses are so manipulative cunning, we don't think of them as tricks, which is why they work so well and why we so easily fall for them. So this guide will shine a light on some of the tricks.
and you have a framework or how to even understand the other tricks that might be coming up and they can get that free on that website or on my website.
Amanda Kaufman (24:36)
my gosh, I can't wait to dig into that myself. I mean, you are an incredible human Kam, and I'm so glad that you took the time to share with us some of your wisdom today.
KamKnight.com (24:43)
Thank you.
No problem. This was great. I was really happy to be here.
Amanda Kaufman (24:52)
Amazing and dear listener, hey, I'm sure you heard something amazing. So don't forget to hit subscribe so that you don't miss our next episode. And also you've probably got like three friends who need to hear that it's a matter of solving their puzzle pieces to get their next big breakthrough. So grab the link of the show, text it to them, send it on DM, but share this message with them so that they have another clue as they are building their dreams and attacking their goals.
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I'll be back with you on our next episode and until then make sure you do what matters.